DIE-vorce

Dievorce

(no it's not a typo)

A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady 40 miles per hour.  The wife is behind the wheel.  Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice.  "I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."

The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45 mph.  The husband speaks again.  "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it," he says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far better lover than you are."

Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55.  He pushes his luck.  "I want the house," he says insistently.  The speed is up to 60.  "I want the car, too," he continues.  65 mph.

"And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat!"  The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge.  This makes him nervous, so he asks her, "Isn't there anything you want?"

The wife at last replies in a quiet and controlled voice.  "No, I've got everything I need," she says. "Oh, really," he inquires, "so what have you got?"

Just before they slam into the wall at 65 mph, the wife turns to him and smiles. 

"The airbag."

BEING A MOTHER...

 (both men & women & sons & daughters - need to read this)

After 17 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to

take another woman out to dinner and a movie. She

said, 'I love you, but I know this other woman loves

you and would love to spend some time with you.'

* * *

The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit

was my MOTHER, who has been alone for 20 years,

but the demands of my work and my two boys had

made it possible to visit her only occasionally.

* * *

That night I called to invite her to go out for

dinner and a movie.

* * *

'What's wrong, aren't you well?', she asked.

* * *

My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a

late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign

of bad news.

* * *

'I thought it would be pleasant to spend some

time with you,' I responded. 'Just the two of us.'

She thought about it for a moment, and then said,

'I would like that very much.'

* * *

That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick

her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her

house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous

about our date. She waited in the door. She had curled her hair and was wearing the 

dress

that she had worn to celebrate her last

birthday on November 19th...

* * *

She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an

angel's. 'I told my friends that I was going to go

out with my son, and they were impressed,' she said,

as she got into that new white van. 'They can't wait to hear about our date'...

* * *

We went to a restaurant that, although not

elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my

arm as if she were the First Lady. After we sat

down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only

read large print. Half way through the entries, I

lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at

me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips. 'It was I

who used to have to read the menu when you were

small,' she said. 'Then it's time that you relax and

let me return the favor,' I responded.

* * *

During the dinner, we had an agreeable

conversation--nothing extraordinary but catching up

on recent events of each other's life. We talked so

much that we missed the movie.

* * *

As we arrived at her house later, she said, 'I'll 

go out with you again, but only if you let me invite

you.' I agreed.

* * *

'How was your dinner date?', asked my wife when I

got home.

'Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined,'

I answered.

* * *

A few days later, my mother died of a massive

heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn't

have a chance to do anything for her.

* * *

Some time later, I received an envelope with a

copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place

mother and I had dined. An attached note said: 'I

paid this bill in advance. I wasn't sure that I

could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two

plates - one for you and the other for your wife.

You will never know what that night meant for me. I

love you, son.'

* * *

At that moment, I understood the importance of

saying in time: 'I LOVE YOU' and to give our loved

ones the time that they deserve. Nothing in life is

more important than your family. Give them the time

they deserve, because these things cannot be put off

till 'some other time.'

* * *

Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back

to normal after you've had a baby... Somebody

doesn't know that once you're a mother,

'normal' is history.

* * *

Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by

instinct. Somebody never took a three-year-old shopping.

* * *

Somebody said being a mother is boring ...

Somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver's permit.

* * *

Somebody said if you're a'good' mother,

your child will 'turn out good'...

Somebody thinks a child comes with

directions and a guarantee.

* * *

Somebody said you don't need an education to be a

mother... Somebody never helped a fourth grader

with his math.

* * *

Somebody said you can't love the second child as

much as you love the first ... somebody doesn't

have two children.

* * *

Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother

is labor and delivery...

Somebody never watched her 'baby' get on the bus

for the first day of kindergarten.

or on a plane headed for military 'boot camp.'

* * *

Somebody said a mother can stop worrying aft er her

child gets married...Somebody doesn't know that

marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a

mother's heartstrings.

* * *

Somebody said a mother's job is done when her last

child leaves home...Somebody never had

grandchildren.

* * *

Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so

you don't need to tell her... Somebody isn't a

mother.

* * *

This isn't 

just about being a mother;

it's about appreciating

the people in your life while you have them...

no 

matter who that person is,

A Man's Prayer

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:

"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the checkbook. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.

At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.

After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. 

You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night."

The Woman in Your Life

To all the guys who read this…..please read fully and understand…………..

This is a beautiful article:
T he woman in your life...very well expressed...

Tomorrow you may get a working woman, butyou should marry her with these facts as well.

Here is a girl, who is as much educated as you are;
Who is earning almost as much as you do;

One, who has dreams and aspirations just as
you have because she is as human as you are;

One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or your
Sister haven't, as she was busy in studies and competing in a system
that gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievements

One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, almost as
much as you do for 20-25 years of her life;

One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people who love her, to adopt your home, your family, your ways and even your family ,name

One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while you sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances, environment and that kitchen

One, who is expected to make the tea, first thing in the morning and cook
food at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are, maybe more,
and yet never ever expected to complain; to be a servant, a  cook, a mother,
a wife, even if she doesn't want to; and is learning just like you are as
to what you want from her; and is clumsy and sloppy at times and knows that you won't like it if she is too demanding, or if she learns faster than you;

One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men at her workplace too, those, who she knows from school days and yet is willing to put all that on the back-burners to avoid your irrational jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent insecurities;

Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won't, simply
Because you won't like it, even though you say otherwise

One, who can be late from work once in a while whendeadlines, just like yours, are to be met;

One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important,
relationship in her entire life a grand success, if you just help her some
and trust her;

One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she knows in your entire house - your unstinted support, your sensitivities and most importantly - your understanding, or love, if you may call it.

But not many guys understand this...... 

Please appreciate "HER" 

I hope you will do....

Respect Her.