MOKONG: Weird 9/11 coinsidences

MOKONG: Weird 9/11 coinsidences: "Remember, remember, the 11th of September. Weird Coincidences: 1) New York City has 11 letters 2) Afghanistan has 11 letters. 3) Ramsin Y..."

It's Great To Be A Man

• Your last name stays put.
• The garage is all yours.
• Wedding plans take care of themselves.
• Chocolate is just another snack.
• You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
• Car mechanics tell you the truth.
• The world is your urinal.
• You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
• Same work . . . more pay.
• Wrinkles add character.
• Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
• If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
• People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
• New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
• Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"
• One mood, ALL the damn time.

And don't forget. . . 

• Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
• A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
• You can open all your own jars.
• Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
• You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
• You can leave motel bed unmade.
• You can kill your own food.
• You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
• If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
• Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
• If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
• Everything on your face stays its original color.
• Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
• You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
• You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."
• You don't mooch off each other's desserts.
• You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
• If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
• You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
• You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
• You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
• The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
• You don't have to shave below your neck.
• Your belly usually hides your big hips.
• One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
• You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
• You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
• Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

15 Pieces of Advice for Women Regarding Men

1. Don't imagine you can change a man, unless he's in diapers.
2. What do you do when your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door behind him.
3. If they put a man on the moon, they should be able to put them all up there.
4. Never let your man's mind wander. Its too small to be out on it's own.
5. Go for the younger man. You might as well, they never mature anyways.
6. Men are all the same. They just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
7. The definition of a bachelor is a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
8. Women don't make fools of men. Most of them are do-it-yourself types.
9. The best way to get a man to do something is to say he's too old for it.
10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
13. If he asks what kind of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.
14. Remeber, a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes. It means that you laugh at him.
15. Sadly, all men are created equal.

The MR. RIGHT Rejection Letter

Dear [____rejectee's name here_____],

I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition:

[Check all those that apply]
___ Your breasts are bigger than mine.
___ Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.
___ The fact that our finest dining experience to date has been at McDonald's reveals a thriftiness that I find unappealing.
___ Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality.
___ You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me one.
___ Your legs are skinnier than mine. If you can FIT into my pants, then you can't GET into my pants.
___ Your "Putting on a few, aren't you babe?" comment, given the 9-months pregnant size of your beer gut, was inappropriate.
___ You failed the credit check.
___ I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.
___ The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.
___ The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation.
___ You still live with your parents.
___ You mention your ex-girlfriend's name more than you mention mine.
___ Three words: Size does matter.

Sincerely,
[Your name here]

10 Things Only Women Understand

10. Why it's good to have five pairs of black shoes.

9. The difference between cream, ivory, and off-white.

8. Crying can be fun.

7. Fat Clothes.

6. A salad, diet drink, and a hot fudge sundae make a balanced lunch.

5. Discovering a designer dress on the clearance rack can be considered a peak life experience.

4. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

3. A good man might be hard to find, but a good hairdresser is next to impossible.

2. Why a phone call between two women never lasts under ten minutes.

1. Other Women!

Ang mga mokong ay pag-asa ng kalumbayan: Isiah 55:8-9

Ang mga mokong ay pag-asa ng kalumbayan: Isiah 55:8-9: "Sometimes we felt like God's playing joke on us... but if He didn't, we wouldn't learn to walk..."

He Said, She Said

He said...I don't know why you wear a bra; you've

got nothing to put in it.

She said...You wear pants don't you?

 

He said...Shall we try swapping positions tonight?

She said...That's a good idea - you stand by the

ironing board while I sit on the sofa.

 

He said...What have you been doing with all the

grocery money I gave you?

She said...Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

 

On a wall in a ladies room..."My husband follows

me everywhere."

Written just below it..."I do not."

 

Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?

A. Both of them.

Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?

A. He buys two cases of beer.

 

Q. What is the difference between men and government bonds?

A. The bonds mature.

Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?

A. So men can remember them.

 

Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of

toilet paper?

A. We don't know; it has never happened.

 

Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive,

caring and good-looking?

A. They already have boyfriends.

 

Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?

A.  A widow.

Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?

A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

 

Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?

A. They're married.

 

Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"

God says: "So you would love her."

"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"

God says: "So she would love you."

Do you know what it would look like if men vacuumed?

You give up?